Marriage and its Adjustments

 Most people plan for weddings and forget to plan for their marriage. Instead, we should be intentional in planning for our marriage instead of being casual. There is less authenticity when men propose nowadays. A study has shown that, when a woman has a beautiful story, she had when she got married when things get tough, she would most likely stay but when things go wrong, and she did not have a beautiful story she is most likely to slide off the relationship. Getting engaged should be sacred, intimate, a way of establishing clear boundaries. These boundaries should be made by the two of you, and you two only. When married keep out boundaries from family and friends. Instead, engagements are becoming less personal and more social. Most weddings parents’ chip in all the money and they get to set boundaries for you because they had a part to play in your marriage. If you start complaining about your marriage to others it is a betrayal of your marriage, talk to each other and trust in each other. Marriage is an opportunity to close those gates, close the relationships that you have with people, especially with those of the opposite sex. If those gates are not closed and boundaries are not set it could harm your marriage. Not doing dates right now might affect your marriage, because you would have started a bad habit at the beginning that is hard to break once you get married. You are not going to spend time together even when we are married so if you don't plan for dates when you have kids and life gets so busy, you won't have time for each other. Talk about family traditions before getting married.

As we get married there early marital adjustments that we would have to go through. We would have to learn how to allocate resources(budgeting), define our priorities apply those resources to our different priorities. Even though we have been communicating for a while with our spouses when we get married, we would have to adjust to that too. We would have to learn how to communicate when it comes to decision making, unresolved conflict, sexual intimacy, and way of living among other things. Things are going to be different since you are sharing space with just the two of you.

During the first year of marriage also we would need to learn how to manage spending time together, how to establish household tasks or roles, how to adjust to differences in culture, traditions, or cultural expectations. We must learn how we will balance Extended family connections, agree when to have children, and how to we are to rear the children. Too many of us are too nice to our companions we only snap when we can't take it anymore. Counseling is very important. Very often the challenge is not the issue itself it is defining what it is that we are discussing. Never assume what people think. People mostly say we will figure this out and tend to slide instead of discussing those issues. They are afraid if they do, they will argue and that will end up in getting a divorce. I have come to understand that it is not true. When problems are solved through counseling there is a sense of unity in the home, and couples get closer together when solving conflict.

It is very easy to not have time for each other when you have children. You get a lack of sleep, and you have more reasons to argue. Women get busy and are more likely to correct their husbands. Because of no quality time between the two men tend to shut down and turn to other things (hobbies, devices). When the woman realizes this, she would be more disappointed and perceive it as a lack of love, loses respect, and resents him more. Nonetheless, having children can bring you closer if the husband is more involved in what's happening.

Too many of us are too nice to our companions we only snap when we can't take it anymore. Counseling is very important. Very often the challenge is not the issue itself it is defining what it is that we are discussing. Never assume what people think. People mostly say we will figure this out and tend to slide instead of discussing those issues. They are afraid if they do, they will argue and that will end up in getting a divorce. I have come to understand that it is not true. When problems are solved through counseling there is a sense of unity in the home, and couples get closer together when solving conflict.